Feeling Small

I tend to surround myself with likeminded individuals who are doing great things in their careers, in the Body of Christ and in their lives in general.

I had a call with one of my sisters in Christ the other day and something interesting happened either while I was on the phone or shortly after we ended our call.

I found myself feeling so insignificant in comparison to the work she’s doing.

Of course I was proud and happy for her to hear her updates. I wasn’t envious or anything like that.

But I was insecure.

I felt like I wasn’t doing enough for God in my current season.

I’m not over here planning conferences on multiple continents.

I’m not running a nonprofit by night and working full time by day.

The list could go on and on.

But I had to stop myself and catch those thoughts before they overwhelmed me.

I had to encourage myself that I am doing enough. First off, I am enough period. But secondly, I am doing enough in the life stage I’m in.

I am so honored and cherished by God. And He doesn’t grade me according to my works. He simply loves me.

What I love about the Lord is that He’ll send extra encouragement my way when I need it.

Or He’ll show me that whatever I was worrying about is a nonfactor.

Shortly after those feelings of inadequacy, I got an email that prompted me to pray for a friend who was going through a hard time.

No one told me to do this, but I found a scripture that applies to her situation and sent her a voice message reading the scripture, expanding on it in my own words and sealing it with prayer.

In that moment, I was so happy that I was HOME.

I was exactly where I needed to be.

God didn’t need me to be out and about in order to use me.

He didn’t need me to be on stage with a microphone or teaching a class or speaking on a panel. (All of which I did in my previous job.)

No. He used me right in my little prayer closet.

And the prayer got answered the very next day! Imagine that!!

This was so encouraging to me because it showed me that my gifts are my gifts. I can’t compare them or my walk with Christ to anyone else’s.

Usually, I’m pretty secure in my relationship with the Lord, but every now and then I’ll feel like I’m not good enough. (Just like any relationship.)

Something else that this experience taught me about myself is that there is always a choice.

I could’ve chosen to ignore the email. I could’ve chosen to send a quick, generic “praying for you” text.

But no. I actually prayed in that moment.

And the time that I’ve been spending reading the Bible really proved to be effective in that moment because I could easily recall the exact chapter and verse that I wanted to share.

That’s also a big step for me because it’s only recently that I’ve started to really pray prayers that are filled with verses from scripture.

It makes such a difference!

Check out what I mean:

Prayer 1:

Lord, please help me to know that You love and care for me. I’m feeling discouraged and I just need to be refreshed and reminded of Your call on my life. Amen.

 

Prayer 2:

Lord, Your Word says that You love me with an everlasting love. You are the Good Shepherd who lays down His life for His sheep. I know that I am one of Your sheep and I am protected. You lead me beside still waters. You restore my soul. You lead me in paths of righteousness for Your Name’s sake. Please restore me and help me to follow Your leading, even when I can’t see where You’re taking me. Amen. (adapted from Jeremiah 31:1, John 10:11 and Psalm 23:2-3).

Did you see, hear, feel and taste the difference?! There’s so much power and authority when we pray the Word of God back to Him!

Now, I don’t do this every time I pray, but I know that over time it will become easier, as I read and meditate on the Word more and more.

And just because the second prayer is wordier doesn’t mean it’s better. My point is simply that grabbing hold of truths will renew our minds and strengthen our spirits.

I shouldn’t downplay my gift as an intercessor (a fancy word for someone who feels the burden to pray for others).

Because in that moment, that was the VERY BEST thing I could be doing!

Let’s stop the comparison game!

For me, it can sneak up on me very slyly before I even realize that I’m believing those lies.

I would encourage you to take time to process the messages you’re receiving on a daily basis (even if it’s your own inner voice). Are they building you up?

If not, try to carve out some intentional time to pour back into yourself.

Be reminded of how BIG and IMPORTANT and PHENOMENAL you are!

Let me know how it goes!

 

Until Next Time,

Jess

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